Mavis's Dream Four







Why I'm so scared of Mavis!!!

Pop starlet Billey Kipper admitted recently she had IGNORED an email from renowned fanzine writer Mavis Trickle.

Female impersonators

North Wiltshire’s top pop sensation stated “Being Chippenham’s top entertainment export (after Golddiggers) currently, I feel it is my duty to be as busy as possible. I’m afraid that although I did see Mavis’s email, I just didn’t have time to answer it. I am a top pop professional and just don’t have time to answer questions from fanzine writers, particularly ones who pretend to be female. Anyway, she might have stitched me up or something. I have also been very ill with repeated kidney infections, and the unwanted attention of ginger TV ‘personalities’ who send me Skodas full of chrysanthemums. It’s not like life’s easy for me, you know, what with the plane crash (sort of), and that nasty stalker type bloke, and all that odd powdered stuff…” It was at this point that Billey Kipper (who, we must stress, bears ABSOLUTELY NO RESEMBLANCE TO ANY PERSONS LIVING OR DEAD, not least Swindon’s own princess of Pop Billie Piper. Note the spelling difference, Mr Lawyer) was whisked off swiftly by her management team to arrange details for her forthcoming tour of Columbia.

E-spam hell!

When Chuck asked Swindon’s very own Mavis Trickle what she had could have sent to upset Billey Kipper so, “she” replied: “Well, all I asked was whether she’d grant me an interview or not. And ever since, I’ve been receiving non-stop Billey Kipper email spam. For example: Hi, Thanks for the message! Billey's not here right now--she's running around all over the place as usual...but she loves to read her emails and we'll forward yours to her. Have you checked out Billey's website yet? If there's something you want to know about Billey, chances are it'll be on the website. There's also a free email club you can join on the website to get regular messages and gossip from Billey and join in special competitions and giveaways. Billey also puts her music and video on her webpages before anyone else gets a glimpse, so keep checking the site for all the latest news, music, competitions and exclusive pictures. Hope you like it--and BILLEY-ONS of thanks again for the mail! Love the d4 gang for billey xxxxx


“It’s a pity really,” continued Mavis, “as my incisive interviewing techniques have been finely honed to produce what would have been the decisive Billey Kipper interview. But we were going to stitch her up, she’s quite right about that one. You know, questions about Nietzsche and psychosexual lyrics in that Number One hit of hers. You know the one. I also plan to restart my civil disobedience protests, and march on the streets of Swindon just like I did to bring Bob Pollard here, only this time the thrust will be to remind mainstream pop stars not to ignore the local underground press.”

Five get into a fix

At the time of going to press, 5ive were unavailable for comment as to whether they would speak to Mavis. Ever.