The Campaign Page


We are currently in the throes of a campaign to

Bring Bob To Swindon

Up until the new year of 1999, our campaign took the form of subversive infiltration of Swindon, to spread the word about Bob and his band Guided by Voices whilst going about our daily lives.

Little did our targets know that they were the targets of a carefully aimed campaign of thought-transference and brainwashing.

On the 31st December 1998 we hired a helicopter and flew over Swindon. Through the use of sonic technology, we broadcast a message undetectable to the human ear but which would be absorbed subconsciously into the cortex, for everyone to go out the next day and buy UTBUTS, B000, AL and Propellor, in that order.

Unfortunately we forgot two key facts.

1) Everyone was in the pub and listening to loud music which would block out our signal.

2) The next day was a Bank Holiday and the shops would be shut.

We did however take this nice picture of the Magic Roundabout.

Undeterred, we avowed to continue. We rallied our troops and on Wednesday 20th January 1999, the day dubbed by the mighty Joey SLEEE, Lord Blowfish, as International Lurkers Day, we struck. We stormed the Swindon Civic Centre to demand not only that Bob and Guided by Voices be invited by the local council to play Swindon but that Bob be made Lord of the Manor of the Borough of Swindon. The authorities were unprepared for our massed thronging.

In the freezing cold we declared our admiration for Bob, and, amidst shouts of "Bring Bob home" (for is Swindon not his spiritual home?) and "Bob is our lord and master" we called for the appearance of the mayor of Swindon, The Worshipful Marmaduke Pilkington, to assuage our beating breasts and aching hearts and confirm that, yes, an invitation would be issued to Bob to play on his next UK tour.
The authorities were not so keen for us to have access to the mayor. In a series of pitched running battles with the fascist security forces, they indicated their intention not to have us exercise our CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH. We only had peaceful protest in mind. The only weapon we had was a "To Bob Be The Glory" flag. And yet we were treated in this atrocious way.
The police, led by Inspector Gordon Sumner, had, for a while at least, the upper hand. Yet our faith in Bob, and our true belief in the supremacy of Good over Evil, meant that we prevailed and, 6 hours after the start of the protest, and with many dead and injured lying on the streets about us, a dishevilled Pilkington appeared, having been hauled out of a transport committee meeting in order to address us.

This is the full text of his address.

People of Swindon! Lay down your arms! Feed your children! For 'Sir' Bob Pollard will (in the unlikely event of he and his beat group Gilded by Vices ever playing a popular music concert in our fine town) be awarded by my fine self a key, allowing him to use at his convenience - within office hours, of course - the executive toilets in this magnificent building behind me. Now go home, be happy, and bask in the glory of Clown Prince of the Menthol Trailer!

By this time our standard had been raised on the Civic Centre.

We weren't particularly impressed by this because, although he did seem familiar with Bob's work, not least his greatest EP, he did on the other hand get the name of the band wrong. Or it could just be we misheard it through the dodgy megaphone. Whatever. At this point we decided to withdraw, seeing it was prudent to rebuild our forces, ready to strike when Kid Marine was shipped.

Page 2...


Back to the index page